There Ain't No Such Thing as a Free Drink...

7/31/21

You know the scenario.

You’re sitting at a bar—probably by yourself—and a man walks up offering to buy you a drink.  At face-value, a nice gesture—in actuality, a transaction.

How is it a transaction?  Well, it’s not a legitimate one, because traditionally transactions happen between mutually consenting parties, and I don’t know about you but I have never consented to reluctantly listening to a tech bro for 45 minutes in exchange for a French 75, but that’s typically how these kinds of things go down.

When he buys you the drink, he’s buying your attention.

He could absolutely be someone you’d want to talk to but let’s be real, I live in New York City—he is not likely to be the love of my life.  Anyway…upon acceptance of the free drink, there lies an implicit agreement that you will exchange names, pleasantries and so on. This can be just fine if it’s kept lightly social and the guy isn’t too forward or aggressive.  Now this is the point at which a man may or may not take proper advantage of the temporary access he’s been granted.  A pivotal point.

There are guys who let you accept the drink without pressure to continue entertaining him beyond a few words and pleasantries—this is the ideal situation.  He who leaves the ball in her court is a smart man.  For example, when I’m not sure if I really like a guy enough to give him my number upon being asked, instead I will offer to take his number or business card, so that I’m in control of whether or not we communicate further. This is also why I urge men to carry business cards whether or not they need it for work. Imagine how smooth you would look handing out your card and politely asking a woman to call you up. If you get rejected, you won’t even know right away.  And if she does contact you, it’s because she has actual interest, and not just replying because she feels like she has to be polite and respond. It’s a safe, polite way to be bold and stand out, while also effectively garnering real results with minimal blowback.

My point is that the guys who buy you a drink but kind of leave you alone after a quick hello are the best.  And pretty often, it works to their advantage without much effort. No one likes a lingerer… and most women certainly don’t like being pressured into conversation. It’s okay to take a risk and fail, fellas, but you don’t have to! You can’t always prevent failure when it comes to flirting with strangers but at worst, you can prevent overt rejection and being That Guy at the bar. However, at best, you might land yourself a gorgeous and mutually interested date all whilst coming across as the smooth, sophisticated gentleman that attract girls like me.

Hardly anything in life is free, but a little effort don’t cost a thing. 😉